That evening, Bree stumbles upon Lord John and Judge Alderdyce partaking in some sex right there in the hallway. It is physically impossible and everybody knows it.Īnyway, Bree makes it out of Jocasta’s Pimp Dinner unscathed although probably nauseous after enduring the cheesiest come-ons possible (“I have newfound empathy for your great aunt’s lack of sight,” says Wolff upon meeting Brianna - ugh Wolff, I had such high hopes for you.) But she isn’t in the clear just yet. Later, when Bree sends Lizzie on a mission and takes care to remind her to be discreet, I laughed so hard.
Which, naturally, occurs because Lizzie cannot keep her mouth shut. He is loyal and kind and only displays true empathy when he learns that Bree is pregnant. Okay, so officially he’s there because Jamie asked him to check on Bree, but hey, any man without a ring is fair game on this playing field - and Lord John is honestly the best of the best. The men vying for Bree’s hand include Forbes, who makes no attempt to be subtle about his plans Lieutenant Wolff, who honestly was born to be on a reality show (the dude loves drama, gives great facial reactions, and has wild hair) and Judge Alderdyce, who seems nice enough, but after Brianna’s idea to play Psychoanalysis for Dummies at the dinner table (you guys, I know Bree has Been Through It, but she annoys me so - what a terrible party game!) it is pretty clear he’s secretly gay.īut no matter, when Lord John Grey shows up we all know who’s “winning” this thing.
She says she’d rather draw and read and cry alone - which, hey, I get - but once Jocasta starts talking about how much Bree reminds her of Ellen, she is both moved and in for some company.īree descends the staircase in one of Jocasta’s dresses as if she were the lead in a Hallmark Christmas movie about a lowly American girl who marries a prince (seriously, they are always descending staircases in those things!) and the bachelors are into it. Not that Bree puts up much of a fight (although she has no idea this dinner is actually an eligible bachelor feast at first). Jocasta bulldozes her great-niece into attending a dinner where, surprise, surprise, most of the guests are unmarried men. But it is more or less how things go down at River Run.
If you guessed “make a failed attempt at blackmailing Lord John Grey into marrying her to keep his sexuality a secret, of which he calls her bluff, but then wins him over by appealing to his empathy and enters into a sham engagement to get Aunt Jocasta off her back about marrying one of her selected suitors” you are right and also very good at this game because that is a hyper-specific answer. Bree must decide between holding out hope for Roger or protecting her unborn child from being labeled a bastard, a fate worse than death. Will this end in love or in marriage? It certainly can’t be both. Literally no one is here for the right reasons. We’ve got one uninterested bachelorette, four potential suitors, and an overbearing Auntie. Welcome to the most dramatic finale in the history of The Bachelorette: Colonial Edition.